How to Kill Godzilla
by Azecreth
Summary: My little rant on how the JSDF should have tried to kill Godzilla in the movies. Oneshot


**A/N: Godzilla is owned by Toho. All opinions expressed in this work are my own and are not shared by Toho or any of its affiliates. **

**Rated T for mild language**

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><p>Hello. My name is Brigadier General Steven Fisher, and I am glad to welcome you to the 32nd annual Joint Training Session between the US Army and the JSDF. The theme for today's session is "Killing Godzilla". I've been told by my superiors that you need our assistance in this since you've only killed him once in the fifty or so times that he's attacked you. Here is a quick list of thing you could do that I have written up for advice.<p>

1. Stop sending infantry up to fight Godzilla. I should be obvious by now that any small arms you have are useless against him. The only thing that has been shown to hurt him are RPG's and those portable Maser rifles. For some reason, you never bother using RPG's, and only mutants can get close use those Maser rifles in close range without getting crushed. So please, for the love of God, stop throwing your men at him. It just doesn't work

2. Get rid of the HESH rounds on your tanks and replace them with Sabot rounds or depleted uranium heads. HESH rounds have been proven worthless since Godzilla's skin is too thick for them to due much damage. Depleted uranium rounds have the best chance of getting through and doing damage. You should also keep using those truck-mounted Maser weapons.

3. Use your bombers, damn it. You have them for a reason. Why do you expect that just strafing Godzilla with fighters and throwing gunships at him will kill him? If you feel like using explosives, then use heavy explosives. Use JDAM's if you're so worried about flying a bomber over him. Your air force is good, but it would help if you used all of it.

4. Stop making the giant robots. They're cool and all, but the only successful one you made rebelled against you before you could kill Godzilla. Think of how many tanks you could make from all the metal you put into the giant robots. I understand that giant robots are sort of Japan's "thing", but maybe it would be best to scrap them for now.

5. Why do you keep ignoring Godzilla's weaknesses when you find them? If you find one, you need to keep using it until Godzilla is dead. According to a report I have, you found a weakness in Godzilla's armpit during the Space Godzilla conflict, yet afterwards you never followed up on it. That may be because it was a new Godzilla after that, but they were genetically similar so the weaknesses should be basically the same. If you find a weakness hit it until he adapts to it or it kills him. Nothing less

6. This one isn't so much directed towards you as it is towards your citizens. Why are they always running in fear and screaming when a giant monster shows up. They get attacked so really often by giant monsters, you think they would be used to it by now. This you probably can't do as much about this, but I just thought I would mention it.

That's the extremely basic outline. There's a more in detail list in the folders that have been given to you, so feel free to read through it once we are done here. Later we'll work out battle scenarios and other such activities. For now, are there any questions?

Q: Hi. I'm random Japanese sergeant Number 1. Why is it that even though we are attacked by Godzilla and other giant monsters almost annually, we have giant robots and laser guns, while you're still using Abram tanks?

A: I don't know. We just haven't felt like it. That's all.

Q: Hello, I'm random Japanese Captain Number 1. If you have all the answers to the Godzilla problem, why haven't you come over and killed Godzilla yourself?

A: We would, but Godzilla seems to love attacking Tokyo, and the American public is indifferent to the issue of military intervention as long as the attacks are in another country.

Q: Hello. I'm random Japanese Sergeant Number 2. You got attacked by Godzilla once. How does this compare to that?

A: Us beating Godzilla was a hell of a lot easier than you've had it. That Godzilla was made by the French, and it was basically an overgrown lizard. It couldn't breathe fire, and it was killed by six missiles. However, we believe that this gives us a good foundational base, since we had to trap it in a suspension bridge before we could hit it. We also destroyed a nest of its eggs before they could mature, while your Godzilla doesn't seem fond of reproducing.

Q: Hello. I'm random Japanese General Number 1. The Americans created this whole problem with their atom bomb testing and then left us to deal with the mess. Why should we listen to you?

A: You don't have to, but I figure that doing it that way that I suggested will get a lot less people killed, and will give you a better chance of success than doing it the way that you've been doing it before.

Now, it seems that we are out of time for any more questions. You may proceed into the lobby, where you will be split up into groups for the first of a series of activities. Thank you for your time. Have a good day.


End file.
